Tea Party: Bridesmaid Edition

Let’s talk about all the tea surrounding picking my wonderful bridesmaids. I’m going to spill everything so get comfortable. The choosing of a bridesmaid sets the tone of how your bridal experience will be. When Moyo came and said he wanted 12 groomsmen I’ll admit my face was sour. I tried to talk him down to seven but we landed at ten. Still I was like 10 seems like so many until I began to write the names down.

The ten where selected so quick I’ll be the first to admit I have amazing woman in my life but I’ve never been in a clique or have had a set group who are all friends with one another. So it was funny that the ten I selected get along so well. I knew before creating a chat that all ten of the selected woman would fit together. They all love traveling, goal driven and the one thing they have in common is me.

Family first

The first bridesmaid proposal went to my Maid of honor Jamaira and my little cousin Malahja. The choice of Maid of Honor was chosen before I even had a groom in mind. Jamaira has always been by my side we are cousins who are only 2 months apart but we are also opposites who keep one another balanced. Malahja is my baby literally the first child I was ever trusted to baby sit. Malahja is reserved but goofy and is the perfect image of what a parent would want their child to be. Giving these two their proposal boxes was easy we family so I knew they couldn’t tell me no. I flew into St.Louis surprised everyone and waited for my mom to BBQ and gave them their boxes.

The Houston bridesmaids

Yet still I didn’t know how to get everyone in one place at the same time. These woman are all amazing but they are all the type who will quickly ask me “who gone be there” or the dress code. I wanted everyone to come in optimistic ready to break the ice. I mentioned to the girls I wanted to have a brunch Kentucky Derby theme. Living in south it’s just something I love about black woman and big hats. Then Ally and Sally planned every detail and executed beyond anything I could imagine. Custom cookies and menus and all the pink to make my heart smile. The day was here the location of Bloom & Bee and I walked in to all my girls already laughing and bonding. At brunch we told stories made jokes it was a whole vibe. In a room full of bosses we literally where the image of black excellence. I never step out of my friend groups for much of anything Kaylan did my makeup and she killed it. She’s always my go to for anything fashion and style. Last min I reached out to Ashley like girl I’d love to have you as a bridesmaid and she fit right in she’s the lively one of the crew who will always speak her mind (lawyer bae). Christina is my framily (friend/family) basically the friend who became family. She has been my person who I share every hardship and secrets and her family has accepted like their own. Last but not least Olaide my roomie the one I will name our future daughter after. She’s the Yoruba queen with the jokes. Amongst these ladies I feel loved I feel honored that they are on this journey with me.

My Traveler Bridesmaid

The final two who are apart of this fun crew are Tola and Kayla. What they have in common is love of travel at any time they could be anywhere in the world. Kayla was my girl in undergrad my partner in crime for all random adventures. One day we even randomly got our nose pierced. Tola is technically my fiancé’s cousin but she gets me like no one else and she has become my spirit guide throughout the years.

Accepting a No

Being a bridesmaid can be a lot on people rather is financial, time or even just the entirety of the role. I definitely am not the one who is offended when friends say they loved to but cant. Accepting a no doesn’t mean that your friend doesn’t love or support your union it simply means the role that they will play may not fit into your original vision.

THE TEA

Well I hate to be the one to write this but planning our wedding has truly brought who’s for me and against me front and center. I had a close friend I considered a sister we had ups and downs. She never accepted that life happens love happens or even the growth of me as a mother and woman. So boom I get engaged and she’s upset. Then I begin planning and everything was a complaint even when I would compromise or make suggestions. Then the final straw was we where texting about Future the rapper the one with all the baby mama drama and I said “I don’t see how woman date him. Her direct reply was “well you better hope your marriage last”. In that moment I realized I didn’t want any negativity in my bridal party and as the days past I decided I didn’t even want the negativity in my life. This wasn’t the first of rude comments but I didn’t want to be a emotional roller coaster with a friend. I decided it would be best to cut ties root for her from a far but no longer just take the disrespect.

Lastly thank you to my girls all ten y’all. Lets turn up and get me down the aisle May 8, 2021. So what’s y’all wedding tea? Did you have to switch dates? Bridal drama? I want to hear it.

The Dress

I guess every girl imagines what they will look like on their wedding day but me. I never said “Oh I want to look like a princess. I will also let you guys in on a bigger secret when I imagined my life growing up I never saw children or a husband, I was under the impression that I couldnt have success, love and a family.

Well here was the big moment of selecting a dress. I had went behind everyones back weeks before my set appointment to try on dress styles, I knew ahead of time that I didnt want to be the bride trying on gowns all day. So boom fast forward to the dress shopping day and I only took my Maid of Honor and one out of my ten bridesmaids. Yes I said 10 we will get back to that in a few weeks but blame Moyo.

First  I tried lace gowns, I assumed I’d walk down in lace because I’m so old fashion and have a eye for classic pieces. Then came jewled dresses that everyone imagined me in. Like who am I kidding to know me is to love me I’m dramatic and over the top in all that I do. Yet here I was emotional over a classic dress that contained not one jewel nor lace. I was stunned like who is this adult woman standing in this beautiful gown.

Oladie and Jamaira had little faith in my dress selection until they saw it on me and I walked out, smiling from ear to ear while invisioning exactly how our big day will play out. So my tips for those brides looking for the perfect dress are below.

  1. Buy shape wear or under garments- You will be trying on dresses that other people have also tried on so bare skin is not an option for me, as well as you want to be snatched in so that the gowns fit there best
  2. Less is more- I have a large wedding party, I cant imagine the opinions and confusion I would have to overcome selecting a dress with everyone having input
  3. Budget- Dont be the bride with million dollar dreams on a dollar reality
  4. Style/Vision- I was open to trying on A-line, ball gown and mermaid because sometimes what you think will fit your body type and what actually does are two separate things. Go to pinterest and just scan and see what YOU like.

Emphasis on YOU, because trust everyones vision will be different.

5. ENJOY THE MOMENT- Dont be afriad to ask questions like cost of alterations, payment plans/options, cordinating of veils, storage, estimated time to recieve dress back, if you like white or ivory.

Wedding planning is a lot of work the selection of dress is one decision as bride that you can be selfish so go for it honey.