The Weigh In

Some of you may be new here but those who know me personally can say I have never had weight issues or been a big girl or even curvy. I desperately began to want curves in high school and the women in my family would laugh and assure me that the curves would eventually come in. I would be lying if I said that social media doesn’t play a part in our self image. Currently I’m at my heaviest that I have ever been in my life, Yes your reading that right I way more today than I did the day I gave birth to both of my children. How? well grab a cup I’m going to give all the tea on my weight gain and what has gone wrong and what has gone right as well as what’s next.

It would be unrealistic to remain a size 2 now that I’m in my late 20’s and mother of two. My pants size and the weight on a scale aren’t really goals for me either. I just want to feel like me and at peace within my own skin again. I am more concerned with my health than fitting in to a set body category. My weight first became noticeable for me right before conceiving Mahkai I was in college and taking the depo shot as a form of birth control. I went from weighing 128 to 150. I was at first happy with some of the weight but then as the weight continued I decided to stop birth control and just try my luck. Lets just say I was pregnant two months later. The first 6 months of the pregnancy I dropped weight and ended the pregnancy at 160lbs. I was the cute type of pregnant where you are all belly. Fast forward to Mahkai turning one I lost majority of the baby weight and was very comfortable. Although I didn’t have a six pack I could fit into all of my pre-preganacy clothes the snap back was real.

TURNING POINT

I began to spot during my second pregnancy I feared I was miscarrying so I went to the emergency room. After test and ultrasound the tech told me the baby was okay but the doctor would be in to see me right away. I knew in that moment something wasn’t right. Once the doctor came in he showed me scans of my uterus and had additional questions. First he asked if we had naturally conceived and I replied yes. Then he asked how many pregnancies I had previously and the history of the pregnancy. Well the pregnancy with Mahkai was pretty normal he did arrive a little early but all in all I thought it went well. The last question was had I ever heard about fibroids I shook my head no. He then said my pregnancy would be high risk and that I had two non cancerous tumors in my uterus that couldn’t be removed until after I gave birth and that the fibroids would cause me to have a difficult pregnancy and also would effect fertility in future. I left the hospital head low and scared. Well due to the growth of my fibroids I delivered a 1lb 8oz baby at 25 weeks via c section. I had never had a c section so the decision was made quickly to save our sons life which I’ll never regret but the healing and process of a c section is alot on the body. If I had to make the decision again I would sacrifice my body for my baby any day. The recovery was pure hell and looking back I dont know how I had the strength to return to work four days after the surgery.

I went back to work and immediately worked on my body little by little. Taking the steps cutting back on what I ate drinking water I even would take the steps over the elevator. I was quickly losing weight. Then the unthinkable happened I went for a woman’s annual and found out I would have to have another surgery due to endometriosis and fibroids. Surgery was in February 2020 and right when I was ready to go back to work quarantine hit. So the post surgery eating turned into quarantine snacking. I knew I had hit rock bottom when I made the kids chilli cheese dogs and I ate one. I mean my weight gain and food consumption got so bad I couldn’t fit in my wedding dress.

HERE WE ARE:

No longer making excuses but making the decision to change my lifestyle and make better choices. Also diving into learning how diet contributes and triggers my weight gain with endo and fibroids. There’s so much I cant eat that was apart of my daily routine. What you eat is 80% of the hurdle you have to cross when you want to cut weight. I’ve also accepted what I look like today and I embrace every curve every imperfection. The only hard part is being consistent having a schedule like mine no day really looks the same. I plan to lose weight naturally no keto, no Pinterest diet and most importantly no surgery. I plan to keep some of the weight because my man loves a little meat.

You have to be strong during the weight journey because people are going to notice and they are going to talk. If I had a dollar for each time my mother complained about my weight I’d be a millionaire. I encourage woman to find out if the weight gain or even loss is medical, mental or diet based. What I do now is remind myself that its less about weight and more about health. I would love to hear about your weight loss journey tips and tricks comment below.

Kid Free Vacation

Review of Dreams Vista-Cancun

Raise your hand if you want to take a kid free vacation but somehow some way mom guilt gets the best of you. The thought of me being away from my babies longer than 8hrs gives me anxiety. As strange as it may sound I don’t mind traveling with my little ones rather it’s domestic or international. Its just something about boarding the plan first with traveling with little ones that I enjoy. Enough about them back to how I went on a epic kid free vacation to Dreams Vista in Cancun was.

I started to notice everyone was traveling to Mexico in August and my birthday was coming so I called United to cash in on our flight credits we had been sitting on since April. Lucky for us Cancun is only 2hr flight from our home so I felt comfortable leaving boys behind. When COVID hit all my summer travel plans were cancelled that meant no Nigeria or Paris. I had accepted that the closes I was getting to a beach was Galveston.

Everyone who knows me knows I love planning. Once the flight was booked I moved on to finding a hotel/resort. I chose Dreams Vista Cancun for many reasons. The last trip to Cancun I stayed at a all inclusive Breathless which was amazing but definitely was party vibes. This vacation was to bring in my 28th I wanted calm chill vibes so selecting Dreams Vista was perfect. Very affordable and newly open in summer 2020. Not going to lie I didnt believe the price so I watched a few Youtube reviews before finally booking. I wanted to do a resort that way our food and alcohol was included. Yes you pay more upfront but then you save in long run. Just think I didnt pay for a single meal or drink while in Mexico outside of our resort all inclusive package. Next I set up a shuttle to take us from airport to resort which cost $25 US dollars for two, which in my opinion was a steal seeing that the resort is a little over 20 mins away from airport.

The overall experience was a 10/10. From the time we arrived the staff doted on us serving champagne and frozen margaritas upon our arrival. The cleanliness was very important to me and let me tell you they exceeded my expectations even lining up and organizing our shoes. The food at the restaurants was wonderful although small portions you can always order more as well as room service is included in the all inclusive package. Room service was a 7/10 which I wasn’t surprised about because I didn’t think it would be spectacular seeing as the room service menu was American cuisine. If I wanted good hot wings I could have stayed in Houston.

My favorite part of our stay was the spa. We spent 45 mins in the spa enjoying the amenities until it was time for pedicures and massages. We then headed to go parasailing and the wait for the boat to take us was the only negative I could bring up about the trip. There was a break down in communication and we waited over an hour for our boat to transport us to the activity. We didn’t get upset though instead we sat at the bar and drank which was best, seeing as though my fiancé is terrified of water. The jack and cokes for sure calmed his nerves. When we returned to the resort we got to spend time at the pool with an amazing Chicago couple we had met the night before at the resorts disco bar. There was nothing to compare the beautiful views of scenery to the location sits at the perfect angle. I just couldn’t stop thinking its 2pm on a Friday and I’m not glued to my work desk and no one is yelling mommy.

For outside activities we decided to hit up Coco Bongo although is was $80 at the door that price included drinks. The experince of CoCo Bongo will be a forever memory it was a cross between cirque du soile and Miami south beach. On the last full day of trip we headed to Tulum to tap into our adventure side. We got to explore cenotes, ATVing and zip lining which was a bundle price of 60 per person. The only negative is the cenotes place didn’t allow phones which we assumed was due to the risk of damaging but it was so they could take photos on their camera and then request $80 for three photos. No thank you, but the chance to explore the jungle for four hour uninterrupted with no modern distractions was peaceful. The resort had taxi’s available so any activity that the resort didn’t provide were easy to get transportation to and from.

We needed the quick get away trip away from work and the boys. It was if we got to reset our relationship and just enjoy the simple comfort of one another. I assume that’s how it will be once we are old grey and empty nesters. The thing about marriage and children is you have to enjoy one another enough that once the children are not in the mix that things still flow. As a mom of two I know how easy it is to get caught in routines but life is to be lived. The best advice I can give when planning travel is have a game plan set out certain days for different activities or you will take the risk of scrambling to find plans while on vacation and wasting time. This trip was one for the books. I am now planning a family trip to Dreams Vista Cancun for Fall 2021. Do you plan to travel soon or sitting tight? Where will you travel to when the world reopens? Comment below, like and share.

Turning 28 I think?

Well well well here we are September 21. Funny story I was talking to my grandma a few weeks ago and she mentioned that my birthday was approaching and asked how old was I turning. I don’t know if I was having memory loss or what but I couldn’t remember I just knew I wasn’t turning 30 yet. As I reflect back on year 27 I see so much change and growth. A lot has happened since my last birthday I got engaged, I recently celebrated one year at my current firm, and did I mention that babe gifted me a BMW 528 for my birthday. Manifesting and planning this year has changed me and my outlook on life completely.

I’ll admit last year on my birthday I was a little down I felt unaccomplished and loss. I just kept comparing my life to my original life plans. I always dreamed of being an attorney living in a high rise who vacations in Paris twice a year. I kept thinking I am not where I want to be in so many areas. Something I learned was its never to late to change or tweak your current state. Instead of for wishing for things you have to goal set and plan. I wrote everything I wanted down and just scratch things off my list and move on to the next goal. God makes no mistakes though the life I have been blessed with has exceeded my wildest dreams. I have two beautiful children who have made me a better human and humbled me. I am now preparing to walk into a new journey of marriage with my college sweet heart. I have multiple businesses which provide secondary income as well as gives me room to grow in areas of passion. I have built better bonds with family and friends within this last year as well.

What I’m ready for in year 28?

I am most excited for my wedding and our new home. I’m also excited to get back into fashion and finding myself as Tearua and not just mommy.

How did we celebrate?

We choose to take a quick weekend in Cancun, Mexico just the two of us no kids. I will write all about our travel in my next blog post.

So here we go

I’m hoping that these last two years of my twenties are filled with knowing that life has no limits and its better to try and fail than not to try at all.

How to balance kids during Covid-19

Well this momma is going to give the tea on what’s worked for us because it was trial and error the first week. I was trying balance being the teacher, maid and chef all while working my very demanding corporate America job, I knew something had to change and I was barely making it with coffee. Check out the tips below for what I did to find balance and keep the boys busy.

1.Planned ahead- I luckily have friends who are teachers as well as my Grandma so I asked them for a little help and made my own lesson plans. Each boy got a lesson plan designed for their personal skill set. Mahkai’s elementary also provided distant learning tools and Zoom calls with teachers.

2. Switched up the days- Yes the traditional learning is Monday-Friday but that didn’t work with me having to balance conference calls and zoom meetings. I give the boys two FREE days during the week so that on my off days Saturday and Sunday we can truly focus on learning. For example we would follow schedule of learning Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday-Sunday.

3. Dry erase boards- I write out the boys schedules daily and put check marks next to things that are complete this allows the boys to track their progress through out the day.

4. Lunch time- Am I the only person doing groceries 2-3x more often than usual? So the solution was to give them “school food” vs 5 star luxury meals I was making. Typical lunch is fruit, a snack and then kid friendly food you’d find at any elementary ie. pizza, chicken nuggets, steamed veggies. I made sure all lunches could be prepared in 20 mins or less.

5. Recess/ Exercise- I take the boys out once a day typically towards end of day we will go for walks or ride bikes. We got Mahkai a big boy bike and he rides it almost every day. One new thing I added was meditation and yoga and honestly it’s more for me than them because let’s be honest wearing all these hats can take a toll on your mental health. I’ve been finding so many new ways to make learning exciting and fun yesterday we went on a nature walk and used a explore board from Target.

I enjoyed this new time home with my family and will be rolling a lot of these new habits and tips in into or every day life once outside opens back up. I hope these where helpful don’t forget to share your tips below. Lastly what are your plans when outside opens back up?

Unsolicited

If you are pregnant, looking to be pregnant or a first time mom then this post is for you. Get ready for all the unsolicited advice you never asked for not limited to just your family either.

I remember the first of many times, I was grocery shopping maybe around 7 or 8 months and a older woman asked “hey, how far along are you” I gave a simple answer to hear the reply “oh my your tiny”. She then proceeds to give me nutritional advice and tell me she’s been a mother for so many years and she has these perfect little ones of her own who are now thriving adults. I being the scared timid pregnant 20 something I was just let this woman talk for what seemed like forever.

I was naive thinking that would be the last of the parenting advice I’d get. WRONG! For each stage and phase there’s new advice. Newborn-6 months you will get the breastfeed or formula debate. Toddler phase you’ll hear all the advice about potty training and which snacks are best. Every mom will give their perfect Patty outline of motherhood. Well I’ll give it to you straight my kids have tried Macdonalds, they have missed bed times and lastly everything isn’t gmo and dye free. Some moms are probably clutching their diaper bags right now.

If I forgot to mention let me tell you now every mom is a chef, a doctor and certified life coach. It’s like one baby down and we all become experts. The thing about motherhood is unscripted and unfiltered. We all think we have it the secret formula of getting it right.

In Conclusion

Most moms who give the random unsolicited advice have good intentions and mean no harm. You can rather listen brush it off or you may just learn something. I remember the first year of parenting I’d take whatever adult conversation I could get seeing that most of my time was spent juggling my final year of college while pumping around the clock. I think we all can agree that that there’s no wrong and right. Its all trial and error but there is light at the end of the tunnel. My only advice to pass along is for when your time comes as the mom with the advice don’t drop to many gems at once.

The Boys

Is it strange that I still cringe when people say “how many children do you have”. It’s like reality hits I have kid(Z) now. Not one but two. So how has it been? How was the transition? Well I must say, nothing was ever the same again if you don’t believe me ask my back.

Parents first question when going from one to two is are we READY? My transition from one to two was different giving birth to Mahir a micro preemie, Mahkai was terrified to touch him at first. When we would go to hospital Mahkai would say “my brother is in a spaceship”. I was able to get my oldest out of pull ups before the baby came home. Which I was so proud of , I always said I didn’t want two children in diapers at the same time. Now looking back at the diaper dilemma seems minor to what that transition has been.

Here we where second child also not planned but feeling safe because our boys where 2 years and 10 months apart. Thinking the journey to two children would be smooth “THE LIES”. Mahkai almost being 3 we assumed he wanted a sibling that he was ready and we where so wrong. He would be jealous and throw fits. Mahkai still crawls in our bed to snuggle at 4am every morning, if I lay the now toddler on my chest Mahkai will follow close behind to lay on me as well. Before yall give me the oh I’ve read this and that you should try x,y and z. Trust me I have we did the sibling cakes, had several conversations we even have went as far as family builders.

So how did we overcome and find balance? We havent each day is new one may be having a melt down about cookies while the other needs help with homework. We now work as a team and value our children as individuals instead of grouping them as one “the boys”. The first few months I was cheesy yall, matching shirts and outfits every single day. We are now aware that cognitively and emotionally they are in two very different stages of life. While Mahir is beginning to talk, Mahkai is well on his way of becoming an academic scholar. We have different activities for the boys now different toys and even different rules.

The icing on the cake is their bond. I grew up alone for 10 years and now that I have a brother I’m more like an auntie or a second mom to him. While Mahkai and Mahir are growing up together sharing toys and tv shows, having fights over snacks. Ultimately they are best friends. I didnt force everything to fall together  it organically happened, we just magically found a way one day. My only regret is putting the pressure of the idea that I had done this “mother thing” before and expecting everything to be the same. So approach the transition as something new but prepare as much as you can but when things dont go as planned find a new plan. If all fails then have a glass of wine and know that tomorrow is a new day,

Here is to 2018

Well if you clicked on this article to read no parts of it is click bait. Wrestling with how to even get things out clearly. How do I muster up the courage to say “I’m pregnant”. This isn’t an old photo its my current reality. Writing has always been my release,my outlet, it began with journals then diaries. For as long as I can remember I’ve been writing.

Well let me be honest I wasn’t going to tell a soul about this pregnancy. I’ll take it a step further most of my friends and family don’t even know. I really had reservations and mixed emotions. I had more anxiety about this pregnancy than with my first. With Kai everything was new I was becoming a first time mom although getting pregnant my senior year of college wasn’t ideal I was determined to prove that I could be a mom. So far I had done just that finished school and all. Then it comes to this unexpected little one.

I don’t want anyone to guess, I’ll explain from my own perspective. I was getting to the point where people would say “Oh will you have more” I’d quickly reply no. Back in August a woman came to me bashing the idea of more children marriage basically everything most woman wish for eventually in life. Once they are settled stable and married. So after that speech I wrote off marriage,love children anything other than career, God travel and Kai.More children where not on my things to do. I was in a place with Kai’s dad where co parenting was making sense we had been together five years and no signs of taking any future steps. So the idea of being a mom of only one was perfect for me and became so happy with knowing I was almost done with terrible two’s. Laughing and bragging to my friends about how I had a big boy now and no longer had to tote around diaper bags.

When I saw those positive results, I was in shock. I asked what am I going to do with a second baby? Like God I have prayed to you been reading religiously how can such happen to me? First thought was Kai like he was my one and only my cuddle buddy, laughing partner my entire world how could me and him adjust from 1-2. God showed me that everything I assumed would be a problem had already been handled. Blessings came left and right within two weeks.

Next I talked to myself like Tearua your finally getting to sleep in on weekends. What are you thinking? Your almost over the wipping butt stage, have you lost your mind? I think I cried for three days. I mean I cried until I couldn’t no more. Can I really love another as much as Kai? How will he feel? what will my future be like with two kids?

Many assured me Tearua your not alone what ever you decide make the choice that you can live with. What no one told me is that, that decision would open so many other questions.

I really feel like a new mommy all over again. This pregnancy is much different from my first or has it been so long that certain things slipped my memory. Will I still know how to swaddle? Will this child be anything like Kai? I mean a lot of things I can’t answer. This is what I can do I can plan ahead as much as I can and knock out all my 2018 goals while Kai is away and I’m still fairly not noticeably pregnant.

Then the very last thing thats been on my mind is my blog. I mean its a hobby that I some times make money from but did I really have to explain this to y’all? Did I owe anyone a explanation? Well thats a 50/50 toss up. With Kai I waited until four months in to acknowledge pregnancy via social media but I wasn’t a blogger then and there was no brand. I had to go back to my blog purpose a platform to show other young moms that motherhood is possible. I may not have all the answers but this is about to be one heck of a journey.

This is what I do know so far anything that can be passed down from Kai will be past down like the crib, any budget cuts and shortcuts will be taken. Ultimately I will not stress this time. I’m not happy or excited but I do have my faith on my side. It may be early to announce could even bad luck but I’m going to be transparent. Maybe this will help someone maybe someone can help me.