A blog for the modern day mom. If you're a stay at home mom or a working mom this blog is for you. Parenting is a journey with many ups and down. Enjoy the Tips Tuesday the weekly vlogs. Be sure to stop by for tea time where I dish on the gossip of motherhood.
Let me first say being a mans wife, fiancé or girlfriend should never define you or be ultimate goal. If you are under 25 stop reading NOW and come back to this post in a few more years. Growing up lots of girls have this vision of being a wife and starting family. Well I was different I never thought I could have family and career so I decided early to be the fine auntie passing out dollar bills during the holidays. Well life happens so keep reading to see how I got the RING after 6-7 years.
Jokingly I would say 5 years no ring I gotta go. I would ask men early into dating if they believed in God and marriage. Based on their response I knew how serious to take them hence to why I’m 28 and have only had 2 adult relationships. Well meeting my fiancé at 20 I can admit I was the furthest thing from marriage material. Looking back I don’t even think we where “relationship material” both parties immature and not well accomplished in this world. Yet I jumped head first in a relationship knowing I wasn’t ready.
After two years I still didn’t feel the pressure to move in together or get engaged and marriage was far off the radar. Then came Kai I was only 23 but I kept assuming I’m a mom (which wasn’t planned) and the only way I can make it right is marriage. I felt guilt of being unmarried even though I wasn’t financially, or mentally prepared to be a mans wife. I would be envious of those around me getting married. I was self sabotaging the state of our relationship by saying negative things constantly to spark a reaction from Moyo.
Then I got my first corporate job and my focus changed. I found myself no longer asking when? But now making plans for my life. I grew so much between 25-27 because I started to find myself and didn’t depend on the title of WIFE to make me whole. I began to realize that marriage wouldn’t solve issues such as poor spending habits and poor communication. Lastly I stopped asking about when? Or the ring. I got to a point of feeling so secure in my womanhood that I knew if he never asked that I was A) still whole B) if not him someone would see me for all I am and it would be his lost.
Mentally I gave myself a deadline of when I would walk away from being his girlfriend because I felt that I was ready for marriage and had done the work. Although marriage isnt for everyone I knew for me personally I never wanted to be a mans longterm girlfriend. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? I didn’t tell Moyo or even my family the deadline I just continued to work on me. So December 14,2019 when me and Moyo headed out to what I thought was “date night” he dropped to one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Moral of story I didn’t give ultimatum there wasn’t force and we didn’t rush into things just because we had children. Ladies my biggest advice is stop trying to make a man husband material work on you the right man will notice. Me not marrying young was a blessing in disguise I know what if feels like to be independent I fully lived independently until we got engaged. It’s okay to date with a purpose it’s even okay to ask the hard questions upfront. If I learned anything it’s that it doesn’t take forever to know someone is the one but be honest with yourself and stay true to your individual beliefs. Drop the rule books and be such a boss that a man wouldn’t dare pass on the opportunity of making you his better half thats the trick.
Some of you may be new here but those who know me personally can say I have never had weight issues or been a big girl or even curvy. I desperately began to want curves in high school and the women in my family would laugh and assure me that the curves would eventually come in. I would be lying if I said that social media doesn’t play a part in our self image. Currently I’m at my heaviest that I have ever been in my life, Yes your reading that right I way more today than I did the day I gave birth to both of my children. How? well grab a cup I’m going to give all the tea on my weight gain and what has gone wrong and what has gone right as well as what’s next.
It would be unrealistic to remain a size 2 now that I’m in my late 20’s and mother of two. My pants size and the weight on a scale aren’t really goals for me either. I just want to feel like me and at peace within my own skin again. I am more concerned with my health than fitting in to a set body category. My weight first became noticeable for me right before conceiving Mahkai I was in college and taking the depo shot as a form of birth control. I went from weighing 128 to 150. I was at first happy with some of the weight but then as the weight continued I decided to stop birth control and just try my luck. Lets just say I was pregnant two months later. The first 6 months of the pregnancy I dropped weight and ended the pregnancy at 160lbs. I was the cute type of pregnant where you are all belly. Fast forward to Mahkai turning one I lost majority of the baby weight and was very comfortable. Although I didn’t have a six pack I could fit into all of my pre-preganacy clothes the snap back was real.
I began to spot during my second pregnancy I feared I was miscarrying so I went to the emergency room. After test and ultrasound the tech told me the baby was okay but the doctor would be in to see me right away. I knew in that moment something wasn’t right. Once the doctor came in he showed me scans of my uterus and had additional questions. First he asked if we had naturally conceived and I replied yes. Then he asked how many pregnancies I had previously and the history of the pregnancy. Well the pregnancy with Mahkai was pretty normal he did arrive a little early but all in all I thought it went well. The last question was had I ever heard about fibroids I shook my head no. He then said my pregnancy would be high risk and that I had two non cancerous tumors in my uterus that couldn’t be removed until after I gave birth and that the fibroids would cause me to have a difficult pregnancy and also would effect fertility in future. I left the hospital head low and scared. Well due to the growth of my fibroids I delivered a 1lb 8oz baby at 25 weeks via c section. I had never had a c section so the decision was made quickly to save our sons life which I’ll never regret but the healing and process of a c section is alot on the body. If I had to make the decision again I would sacrifice my body for my baby any day. The recovery was pure hell and looking back I dont know how I had the strength to return to work four days after the surgery.
I went back to work and immediately worked on my body little by little. Taking the steps cutting back on what I ate drinking water I even would take the steps over the elevator. I was quickly losing weight. Then the unthinkable happened I went for a woman’s annual and found out I would have to have another surgery due to endometriosis and fibroids. Surgery was in February 2020 and right when I was ready to go back to work quarantine hit. So the post surgery eating turned into quarantine snacking. I knew I had hit rock bottom when I made the kids chilli cheese dogs and I ate one. I mean my weight gain and food consumption got so bad I couldn’t fit in my wedding dress.
HERE WE ARE:
No longer making excuses but making the decision to change my lifestyle and make better choices. Also diving into learning how diet contributes and triggers my weight gain with endo and fibroids. There’s so much I cant eat that was apart of my daily routine. What you eat is 80% of the hurdle you have to cross when you want to cut weight. I’ve also accepted what I look like today and I embrace every curve every imperfection. The only hard part is being consistent having a schedule like mine no day really looks the same. I plan to lose weight naturally no keto, no Pinterest diet and most importantly no surgery. I plan to keep some of the weight because my man loves a little meat.
You have to be strong during the weight journey because people are going to notice and they are going to talk. If I had a dollar for each time my mother complained about my weight I’d be a millionaire. I encourage woman to find out if the weight gain or even loss is medical, mental or diet based. What I do now is remind myself that its less about weight and more about health. I would love to hear about your weight loss journey tips and tricks comment below.
Well well well here we are September 21. Funny story I was talking to my grandma a few weeks ago and she mentioned that my birthday was approaching and asked how old was I turning. I don’t know if I was having memory loss or what but I couldn’t remember I just knew I wasn’t turning 30 yet. As I reflect back on year 27 I see so much change and growth. A lot has happened since my last birthday I got engaged, I recently celebrated one year at my current firm, and did I mention that babe gifted me a BMW 528 for my birthday. Manifesting and planning this year has changed me and my outlook on life completely.
I’ll admit last year on my birthday I was a little down I felt unaccomplished and loss. I just kept comparing my life to my original life plans. I always dreamed of being an attorney living in a high rise who vacations in Paris twice a year. I kept thinking I am not where I want to be in so many areas. Something I learned was its never to late to change or tweak your current state. Instead of for wishing for things you have to goal set and plan. I wrote everything I wanted down and just scratch things off my list and move on to the next goal. God makes no mistakes though the life I have been blessed with has exceeded my wildest dreams. I have two beautiful children who have made me a better human and humbled me. I am now preparing to walk into a new journey of marriage with my college sweet heart. I have multiple businesses which provide secondary income as well as gives me room to grow in areas of passion. I have built better bonds with family and friends within this last year as well.
What I’m ready for in year 28?
I am most excited for my wedding and our new home. I’m also excited to get back into fashion and finding myself as Tearua and not just mommy.
How did we celebrate?
We choose to take a quick weekend in Cancun, Mexico just the two of us no kids. I will write all about our travel in my next blog post.
So here we go
I’m hoping that these last two years of my twenties are filled with knowing that life has no limits and its better to try and fail than not to try at all.
With everything going on in the world I wanted to find a way to connect with the boys and teach them BLACK history as well as to help them understand the beauty in their skin. Reading has always been a fun escape for me I get lost in reading. I randomly said you know what I’m going to create an age appropriate Black Reading corner for the boys.
What do I mean by black? I mean black characters, authors and illustrators. Why? Well I could only compare my child hood to how the boys are being raised currently. I grew up knowing I was black but I was insecure about my skin about my hair everything about me. Although I was being raised by beautiful strong black woman and men I would go into other spaces or simply watch to much Disney where majority of the characters didn’t look like me or come from similar backgrounds.
I was in shock to find so many good books on amazon. I ordered the books right away and purchased the acrylic floating shelves from amazon. I preferred the shelves because Mahir is 2 and I was sure if I purchased a book shelf he would climb it. The books ranged from $3.99-$16.99. I added in a chair we had around the house from Ikea and boom it was complete.
I wanted to be sure that my children would not only actively read but read to understand. Words mean nothing if you aren’t taking your time to imagine the vision of what your reading. Reading became more personal after attending an HBCU. During undergrad I learned myself and began to appreciate and own what being black truly is.
Excuse me for the language but you won’t feel me unless I slide this tea in. One of my favorite poems “Fuck I look like” by Kai Davis she says “White people told us niggas not to read 300 years ago, and now niggas telling other niggas not to read, what are we afraid of”. When I listened to those words back in 2012 it spoke to me not only do I enjoy reading but my ancestors where purposely told not to read in fear of what WE could become. This is not to make everything racial or political but to inform others.
I’m teaching my boys daily that reading is cool and that the mind should never stop expanding and growing. This is not to knock others culture rather your Irish, Latino or in between giving our children diverse books or books they can relate to sets them up for a future of being confident in who they are and where they come from.
My favorites so far are “Woke Baby” by Mahogany Browne. This read is perfect for children 3 and under. My favorite for ages 5 and up would be “I am Positive affirmations for brown boys” by Ayesha Rodriguez. This book was essential with the current state in America with black lives matter and police brutality. I wanted my son to know he is valuable, loved and a King. What are you guys reading lately?
You would think being raised by a educator I would feel comfortable and prepared to go on this journey of virtual school with Mahkai (kindergartner). WRONG, I literally had to first get over Mahkai missing the experience of going to that first day of big kid school. Then I had to navigate a plan to best help my little one feel encouraged to participate and learn from home.
I first started with what I am good at “decor”. I rearranged his room to give space for learning. I wanted everything he needed to be available and accessible to his eye level. Ikea was the perfect stop to get a desk, stool and rug. Then I headed to Michael’s to buy a cart to organize supplies and his learning materials such as books and folders. My last stop was Target where I went a little teacher crazy but still in budget. The frugal section had the perfect calender’s, charts and bins for organizing. Surprisingly we had a dry erase board in our garage and some old boarders in my craft bin. I put everything all together and just prepared for what school would be.
I wanted to be optimistic regarding the school year and virtual learning. I will admit as a parent to a Kindergartner you do have to be hands on and keep them on task. Hats off to our school district we are currently in they had parents safely pick up books and Chrome books the week before school started. So our experience so far has been much better than expected. Mahkai’s teacher is amazing she really goes the extra mile to keep her class engaged. We where provided access to online learning as well as daily class schedule where Ms. Phan takes attendance at 7:40 am like normal via zoom. Every day they have block via zoom art, music and even gym.
Although this is not the ideal or traditional school I am thankful to have a job that I can work from home and keep my little one safe. I stay positive by knowing that this wont be a forever solution and if that doesn’t work I grab wine. I want to know how are you guys adjusting?
Want to know how I pulled off a small last minute party for our toddler keep reading dropping all the details….
Theme: Of course I came up with the theme “Two Legit to Quit” after it catching my eye on Pinterest. The hubby hated the idea of the theme but once I set mind that’s it.
Decor: Went to Dollar Tree yes Dollar Tree. I purchased table cloths, toys for goodie bags, balloons and more. This was a record for me $54 on decor and games vs my usual 200-300+. I also purchased a backdrop from Amazon for $20.
The Setup: setting up the night before is almost tradition for me. I never know what mood the kids will be in the day of party so I try to knock out all that I can ahead of time.
The Cake: With the Corona virus out there and us self quarantine I wanted to keep the cake simple. I reached out to Sweet Kravings our family official cake lady and she nailed it per usual.
Entertainment: I got creative and added a paint station for the kids with paint, and canvas from the local dollar tree. Bounce house worked out perfect it didn’t rain and the coat was right because of the lack of business during this pandemic we secured a discount. Lastly I added a 90’s trivia game for the adults I’ll put it this way the men had to cheat to beat us.
The Tears: I’m still in disbelief that we have a two year old. Let the potty training begin. These past two years have been such a blessing, my biggest lesson for sure has been slowing down and enjoying the moment and thats exactly what I will continue to do as watching our little one grow. Someone please stop the time.
Be right back grabbing tissue. Did you celebrate any birthdays or graduations during quarantine? Everyone was in shock that we actually hosted a party this year but this was small compared to our usual birthday festivities. Plus I made people sanitize at the door. Back to isolation we go!