How to get the RING!

Let me first say being a mans wife, fiancé or girlfriend should never define you or be ultimate goal. If you are under 25 stop reading NOW and come back to this post in a few more years. Growing up lots of girls have this vision of being a wife and starting family. Well I was different I never thought I could have family and career so I decided early to be the fine auntie passing out dollar bills during the holidays. Well life happens so keep reading to see how I got the RING after 6-7 years.

Jokingly I would say 5 years no ring I gotta go. I would ask men early into dating if they believed in God and marriage. Based on their response I knew how serious to take them hence to why I’m 28 and have only had 2 adult relationships. Well meeting my fiancé at 20 I can admit I was the furthest thing from marriage material. Looking back I don’t even think we where “relationship material” both parties immature and not well accomplished in this world. Yet I jumped head first in a relationship knowing I wasn’t ready.

After two years I still didn’t feel the pressure to move in together or get engaged and marriage was far off the radar. Then came Kai I was only 23 but I kept assuming I’m a mom (which wasn’t planned) and the only way I can make it right is marriage. I felt guilt of being unmarried even though I wasn’t financially, or mentally prepared to be a mans wife. I would be envious of those around me getting married. I was self sabotaging the state of our relationship by saying negative things constantly to spark a reaction from Moyo.

Then I got my first corporate job and my focus changed. I found myself no longer asking when? But now making plans for my life. I grew so much between 25-27 because I started to find myself and didn’t depend on the title of WIFE to make me whole. I began to realize that marriage wouldn’t solve issues such as poor spending habits and poor communication. Lastly I stopped asking about when? Or the ring. I got to a point of feeling so secure in my womanhood that I knew if he never asked that I was A) still whole B) if not him someone would see me for all I am and it would be his lost.

Mentally I gave myself a deadline of when I would walk away from being his girlfriend because I felt that I was ready for marriage and had done the work. Although marriage isnt for everyone I knew for me personally I never wanted to be a mans longterm girlfriend. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? I didn’t tell Moyo or even my family the deadline I just continued to work on me. So December 14,2019 when me and Moyo headed out to what I thought was “date night” he dropped to one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Moral of story I didn’t give ultimatum there wasn’t force and we didn’t rush into things just because we had children. Ladies my biggest advice is stop trying to make a man husband material work on you the right man will notice. Me not marrying young was a blessing in disguise I know what if feels like to be independent I fully lived independently until we got engaged. It’s okay to date with a purpose it’s even okay to ask the hard questions upfront. If I learned anything it’s that it doesn’t take forever to know someone is the one but be honest with yourself and stay true to your individual beliefs. Drop the rule books and be such a boss that a man wouldn’t dare pass on the opportunity of making you his better half thats the trick.

Until next time like, share and comment below.

The Weigh In

Some of you may be new here but those who know me personally can say I have never had weight issues or been a big girl or even curvy. I desperately began to want curves in high school and the women in my family would laugh and assure me that the curves would eventually come in. I would be lying if I said that social media doesn’t play a part in our self image. Currently I’m at my heaviest that I have ever been in my life, Yes your reading that right I way more today than I did the day I gave birth to both of my children. How? well grab a cup I’m going to give all the tea on my weight gain and what has gone wrong and what has gone right as well as what’s next.

It would be unrealistic to remain a size 2 now that I’m in my late 20’s and mother of two. My pants size and the weight on a scale aren’t really goals for me either. I just want to feel like me and at peace within my own skin again. I am more concerned with my health than fitting in to a set body category. My weight first became noticeable for me right before conceiving Mahkai I was in college and taking the depo shot as a form of birth control. I went from weighing 128 to 150. I was at first happy with some of the weight but then as the weight continued I decided to stop birth control and just try my luck. Lets just say I was pregnant two months later. The first 6 months of the pregnancy I dropped weight and ended the pregnancy at 160lbs. I was the cute type of pregnant where you are all belly. Fast forward to Mahkai turning one I lost majority of the baby weight and was very comfortable. Although I didn’t have a six pack I could fit into all of my pre-preganacy clothes the snap back was real.

TURNING POINT

I began to spot during my second pregnancy I feared I was miscarrying so I went to the emergency room. After test and ultrasound the tech told me the baby was okay but the doctor would be in to see me right away. I knew in that moment something wasn’t right. Once the doctor came in he showed me scans of my uterus and had additional questions. First he asked if we had naturally conceived and I replied yes. Then he asked how many pregnancies I had previously and the history of the pregnancy. Well the pregnancy with Mahkai was pretty normal he did arrive a little early but all in all I thought it went well. The last question was had I ever heard about fibroids I shook my head no. He then said my pregnancy would be high risk and that I had two non cancerous tumors in my uterus that couldn’t be removed until after I gave birth and that the fibroids would cause me to have a difficult pregnancy and also would effect fertility in future. I left the hospital head low and scared. Well due to the growth of my fibroids I delivered a 1lb 8oz baby at 25 weeks via c section. I had never had a c section so the decision was made quickly to save our sons life which I’ll never regret but the healing and process of a c section is alot on the body. If I had to make the decision again I would sacrifice my body for my baby any day. The recovery was pure hell and looking back I dont know how I had the strength to return to work four days after the surgery.

I went back to work and immediately worked on my body little by little. Taking the steps cutting back on what I ate drinking water I even would take the steps over the elevator. I was quickly losing weight. Then the unthinkable happened I went for a woman’s annual and found out I would have to have another surgery due to endometriosis and fibroids. Surgery was in February 2020 and right when I was ready to go back to work quarantine hit. So the post surgery eating turned into quarantine snacking. I knew I had hit rock bottom when I made the kids chilli cheese dogs and I ate one. I mean my weight gain and food consumption got so bad I couldn’t fit in my wedding dress.

HERE WE ARE:

No longer making excuses but making the decision to change my lifestyle and make better choices. Also diving into learning how diet contributes and triggers my weight gain with endo and fibroids. There’s so much I cant eat that was apart of my daily routine. What you eat is 80% of the hurdle you have to cross when you want to cut weight. I’ve also accepted what I look like today and I embrace every curve every imperfection. The only hard part is being consistent having a schedule like mine no day really looks the same. I plan to lose weight naturally no keto, no Pinterest diet and most importantly no surgery. I plan to keep some of the weight because my man loves a little meat.

You have to be strong during the weight journey because people are going to notice and they are going to talk. If I had a dollar for each time my mother complained about my weight I’d be a millionaire. I encourage woman to find out if the weight gain or even loss is medical, mental or diet based. What I do now is remind myself that its less about weight and more about health. I would love to hear about your weight loss journey tips and tricks comment below.

Kid Free Vacation

Review of Dreams Vista-Cancun

Raise your hand if you want to take a kid free vacation but somehow some way mom guilt gets the best of you. The thought of me being away from my babies longer than 8hrs gives me anxiety. As strange as it may sound I don’t mind traveling with my little ones rather it’s domestic or international. Its just something about boarding the plan first with traveling with little ones that I enjoy. Enough about them back to how I went on a epic kid free vacation to Dreams Vista in Cancun was.

I started to notice everyone was traveling to Mexico in August and my birthday was coming so I called United to cash in on our flight credits we had been sitting on since April. Lucky for us Cancun is only 2hr flight from our home so I felt comfortable leaving boys behind. When COVID hit all my summer travel plans were cancelled that meant no Nigeria or Paris. I had accepted that the closes I was getting to a beach was Galveston.

Everyone who knows me knows I love planning. Once the flight was booked I moved on to finding a hotel/resort. I chose Dreams Vista Cancun for many reasons. The last trip to Cancun I stayed at a all inclusive Breathless which was amazing but definitely was party vibes. This vacation was to bring in my 28th I wanted calm chill vibes so selecting Dreams Vista was perfect. Very affordable and newly open in summer 2020. Not going to lie I didnt believe the price so I watched a few Youtube reviews before finally booking. I wanted to do a resort that way our food and alcohol was included. Yes you pay more upfront but then you save in long run. Just think I didnt pay for a single meal or drink while in Mexico outside of our resort all inclusive package. Next I set up a shuttle to take us from airport to resort which cost $25 US dollars for two, which in my opinion was a steal seeing that the resort is a little over 20 mins away from airport.

The overall experience was a 10/10. From the time we arrived the staff doted on us serving champagne and frozen margaritas upon our arrival. The cleanliness was very important to me and let me tell you they exceeded my expectations even lining up and organizing our shoes. The food at the restaurants was wonderful although small portions you can always order more as well as room service is included in the all inclusive package. Room service was a 7/10 which I wasn’t surprised about because I didn’t think it would be spectacular seeing as the room service menu was American cuisine. If I wanted good hot wings I could have stayed in Houston.

My favorite part of our stay was the spa. We spent 45 mins in the spa enjoying the amenities until it was time for pedicures and massages. We then headed to go parasailing and the wait for the boat to take us was the only negative I could bring up about the trip. There was a break down in communication and we waited over an hour for our boat to transport us to the activity. We didn’t get upset though instead we sat at the bar and drank which was best, seeing as though my fiancé is terrified of water. The jack and cokes for sure calmed his nerves. When we returned to the resort we got to spend time at the pool with an amazing Chicago couple we had met the night before at the resorts disco bar. There was nothing to compare the beautiful views of scenery to the location sits at the perfect angle. I just couldn’t stop thinking its 2pm on a Friday and I’m not glued to my work desk and no one is yelling mommy.

For outside activities we decided to hit up Coco Bongo although is was $80 at the door that price included drinks. The experince of CoCo Bongo will be a forever memory it was a cross between cirque du soile and Miami south beach. On the last full day of trip we headed to Tulum to tap into our adventure side. We got to explore cenotes, ATVing and zip lining which was a bundle price of 60 per person. The only negative is the cenotes place didn’t allow phones which we assumed was due to the risk of damaging but it was so they could take photos on their camera and then request $80 for three photos. No thank you, but the chance to explore the jungle for four hour uninterrupted with no modern distractions was peaceful. The resort had taxi’s available so any activity that the resort didn’t provide were easy to get transportation to and from.

We needed the quick get away trip away from work and the boys. It was if we got to reset our relationship and just enjoy the simple comfort of one another. I assume that’s how it will be once we are old grey and empty nesters. The thing about marriage and children is you have to enjoy one another enough that once the children are not in the mix that things still flow. As a mom of two I know how easy it is to get caught in routines but life is to be lived. The best advice I can give when planning travel is have a game plan set out certain days for different activities or you will take the risk of scrambling to find plans while on vacation and wasting time. This trip was one for the books. I am now planning a family trip to Dreams Vista Cancun for Fall 2021. Do you plan to travel soon or sitting tight? Where will you travel to when the world reopens? Comment below, like and share.

Turning 28 I think?

Well well well here we are September 21. Funny story I was talking to my grandma a few weeks ago and she mentioned that my birthday was approaching and asked how old was I turning. I don’t know if I was having memory loss or what but I couldn’t remember I just knew I wasn’t turning 30 yet. As I reflect back on year 27 I see so much change and growth. A lot has happened since my last birthday I got engaged, I recently celebrated one year at my current firm, and did I mention that babe gifted me a BMW 528 for my birthday. Manifesting and planning this year has changed me and my outlook on life completely.

I’ll admit last year on my birthday I was a little down I felt unaccomplished and loss. I just kept comparing my life to my original life plans. I always dreamed of being an attorney living in a high rise who vacations in Paris twice a year. I kept thinking I am not where I want to be in so many areas. Something I learned was its never to late to change or tweak your current state. Instead of for wishing for things you have to goal set and plan. I wrote everything I wanted down and just scratch things off my list and move on to the next goal. God makes no mistakes though the life I have been blessed with has exceeded my wildest dreams. I have two beautiful children who have made me a better human and humbled me. I am now preparing to walk into a new journey of marriage with my college sweet heart. I have multiple businesses which provide secondary income as well as gives me room to grow in areas of passion. I have built better bonds with family and friends within this last year as well.

What I’m ready for in year 28?

I am most excited for my wedding and our new home. I’m also excited to get back into fashion and finding myself as Tearua and not just mommy.

How did we celebrate?

We choose to take a quick weekend in Cancun, Mexico just the two of us no kids. I will write all about our travel in my next blog post.

So here we go

I’m hoping that these last two years of my twenties are filled with knowing that life has no limits and its better to try and fail than not to try at all.

Our Black Reading Corner

With everything going on in the world I wanted to find a way to connect with the boys and teach them BLACK history as well as to help them understand the beauty in their skin. Reading has always been a fun escape for me I get lost in reading. I randomly said you know what I’m going to create an age appropriate Black Reading corner for the boys.

What do I mean by black? I mean black characters, authors and illustrators. Why? Well I could only compare my child hood to how the boys are being raised currently. I grew up knowing I was black but I was insecure about my skin about my hair everything about me. Although I was being raised by beautiful strong black woman and men I would go into other spaces or simply watch to much Disney where majority of the characters didn’t look like me or come from similar backgrounds.

I was in shock to find so many good books on amazon. I ordered the books right away and purchased the acrylic floating shelves from amazon. I preferred the shelves because Mahir is 2 and I was sure if I purchased a book shelf he would climb it. The books ranged from $3.99-$16.99. I added in a chair we had around the house from Ikea and boom it was complete.

I wanted to be sure that my children would not only actively read but read to understand. Words mean nothing if you aren’t taking your time to imagine the vision of what your reading. Reading became more personal after attending an HBCU. During undergrad I learned myself and began to appreciate and own what being black truly is.

Excuse me for the language but you won’t feel me unless I slide this tea in. One of my favorite poems “Fuck I look like” by Kai Davis she says “White people told us niggas not to read 300 years ago, and now niggas telling other niggas not to read, what are we afraid of”. When I listened to those words back in 2012 it spoke to me not only do I enjoy reading but my ancestors where purposely told not to read in fear of what WE could become. This is not to make everything racial or political but to inform others.

I’m teaching my boys daily that reading is cool and that the mind should never stop expanding and growing. This is not to knock others culture rather your Irish, Latino or in between giving our children diverse books or books they can relate to sets them up for a future of being confident in who they are and where they come from.

My favorites so far are “Woke Baby” by Mahogany Browne. This read is perfect for children 3 and under. My favorite for ages 5 and up would be “I am Positive affirmations for brown boys” by Ayesha Rodriguez. This book was essential with the current state in America with black lives matter and police brutality. I wanted my son to know he is valuable, loved and a King. What are you guys reading lately?

Virtual School 101

You would think being raised by a educator I would feel comfortable and prepared to go on this journey of virtual school with Mahkai  (kindergartner). WRONG,  I literally had to first get over Mahkai missing the experience of going to that first day of big kid school. Then I had to navigate a plan to best help my little one feel encouraged to participate and learn from home.

I first started with what I am good at “decor”. I rearranged his room to give space for learning. I wanted everything he needed to be available and accessible to his eye level. Ikea was the perfect stop to get a desk, stool and rug. Then I headed to Michael’s to buy a cart to organize supplies and his learning materials such as books and folders. My last stop was Target where I went a little teacher crazy but still in budget. The frugal section had the perfect calender’s, charts and bins for organizing. Surprisingly we had a dry erase board in our garage and some old boarders in my craft bin. I put everything all together and just prepared for what school would be.

I wanted to be optimistic regarding the school year and virtual learning. I will admit as a parent to a Kindergartner you do have to be hands on and keep them on task. Hats off to our school district we are currently in they had parents safely pick up books and Chrome books the week before school started. So our experience so far has been much better than expected. Mahkai’s teacher is amazing she really goes the extra mile to keep her class engaged. We where provided access to online learning as well as daily class schedule where Ms. Phan takes attendance at 7:40 am like normal via zoom. Every day they have block via zoom art, music and even gym.

Although this is not the ideal or traditional school I am thankful to have a job that I can work from home and keep my little one safe. I stay positive by knowing that this wont be a forever solution and if that doesn’t work I grab wine. I want to know how are you guys adjusting?

 

Tea Party: Bridesmaid Edition

Let’s talk about all the tea surrounding picking my wonderful bridesmaids. I’m going to spill everything so get comfortable. The choosing of a bridesmaid sets the tone of how your bridal experience will be. When Moyo came and said he wanted 12 groomsmen I’ll admit my face was sour. I tried to talk him down to seven but we landed at ten. Still I was like 10 seems like so many until I began to write the names down.

The ten where selected so quick I’ll be the first to admit I have amazing woman in my life but I’ve never been in a clique or have had a set group who are all friends with one another. So it was funny that the ten I selected get along so well. I knew before creating a chat that all ten of the selected woman would fit together. They all love traveling, goal driven and the one thing they have in common is me.

Family first

The first bridesmaid proposal went to my Maid of honor Jamaira and my little cousin Malahja. The choice of Maid of Honor was chosen before I even had a groom in mind. Jamaira has always been by my side we are cousins who are only 2 months apart but we are also opposites who keep one another balanced. Malahja is my baby literally the first child I was ever trusted to baby sit. Malahja is reserved but goofy and is the perfect image of what a parent would want their child to be. Giving these two their proposal boxes was easy we family so I knew they couldn’t tell me no. I flew into St.Louis surprised everyone and waited for my mom to BBQ and gave them their boxes.

The Houston bridesmaids

Yet still I didn’t know how to get everyone in one place at the same time. These woman are all amazing but they are all the type who will quickly ask me “who gone be there” or the dress code. I wanted everyone to come in optimistic ready to break the ice. I mentioned to the girls I wanted to have a brunch Kentucky Derby theme. Living in south it’s just something I love about black woman and big hats. Then Ally and Sally planned every detail and executed beyond anything I could imagine. Custom cookies and menus and all the pink to make my heart smile. The day was here the location of Bloom & Bee and I walked in to all my girls already laughing and bonding. At brunch we told stories made jokes it was a whole vibe. In a room full of bosses we literally where the image of black excellence. I never step out of my friend groups for much of anything Kaylan did my makeup and she killed it. She’s always my go to for anything fashion and style. Last min I reached out to Ashley like girl I’d love to have you as a bridesmaid and she fit right in she’s the lively one of the crew who will always speak her mind (lawyer bae). Christina is my framily (friend/family) basically the friend who became family. She has been my person who I share every hardship and secrets and her family has accepted like their own. Last but not least Olaide my roomie the one I will name our future daughter after. She’s the Yoruba queen with the jokes. Amongst these ladies I feel loved I feel honored that they are on this journey with me.

My Traveler Bridesmaid

The final two who are apart of this fun crew are Tola and Kayla. What they have in common is love of travel at any time they could be anywhere in the world. Kayla was my girl in undergrad my partner in crime for all random adventures. One day we even randomly got our nose pierced. Tola is technically my fiancé’s cousin but she gets me like no one else and she has become my spirit guide throughout the years.

Accepting a No

Being a bridesmaid can be a lot on people rather is financial, time or even just the entirety of the role. I definitely am not the one who is offended when friends say they loved to but cant. Accepting a no doesn’t mean that your friend doesn’t love or support your union it simply means the role that they will play may not fit into your original vision.

THE TEA

Well I hate to be the one to write this but planning our wedding has truly brought who’s for me and against me front and center. I had a close friend I considered a sister we had ups and downs. She never accepted that life happens love happens or even the growth of me as a mother and woman. So boom I get engaged and she’s upset. Then I begin planning and everything was a complaint even when I would compromise or make suggestions. Then the final straw was we where texting about Future the rapper the one with all the baby mama drama and I said “I don’t see how woman date him. Her direct reply was “well you better hope your marriage last”. In that moment I realized I didn’t want any negativity in my bridal party and as the days past I decided I didn’t even want the negativity in my life. This wasn’t the first of rude comments but I didn’t want to be a emotional roller coaster with a friend. I decided it would be best to cut ties root for her from a far but no longer just take the disrespect.

Lastly thank you to my girls all ten y’all. Lets turn up and get me down the aisle May 8, 2021. So what’s y’all wedding tea? Did you have to switch dates? Bridal drama? I want to hear it.