Sometimes you have to step away and evaluate yourself, your goals and future. Every time I stepped away and looked at my life the word HAPPY continued to come to mind. I was seeking happiness in every area of my life career, family, body and relationship. I decided to break them down one by one.
I’ve been at a company for several years that I’m not happy with. I’ve left came back and left , and came back AGAIN. It’s like a dysfunctional relationship with a man. The job isn’t hard I sit behind a desk for eight hours a day and then I go home. I’m paid little to nothing constantly forced to adjust to changes which is fine because I’m quick on my toes. I feel that I’m not using my skills or in the right field. This job was supposed to be something temporary to take care of the bills and maintain work while in school. Now its more like I settled. I’m currently dressing for the job I want and not the one I have. As well as perfecting my resume and putting my best foot forward.
When it comes to family I’m just a little to trusting and forgiving. My heart is way to big I’m guilty. I let family move in with me trying to lend a helping hand and these were relatives I hadn’t heard from in fifteen years. Once I decided that it was hindering me more than given me a family bond I was seeking I gave them a date to move by. They left peacefully and I haven’t heard from them since so I’m guessing maybe in fifteen years from now they will reach out to me again and trust me that door will be closed. Now I will build stronger bonds with the family who have always been around, who make an effort to be in my life.
It’s no secret I’m not happy with my current body. I weigh more now, than during my pregnancy with Kai. I blamed birth control which was not only reason for the weight gain. The other reasons are poor dieting, stress and lifestyle choices. I’ve spent more time focusing on how far I have to go then just starting. Even with my pregnancy I remained active and in the gym, so if I could do it then I know I’m capable of doing it now. I plan to enroll in boxing, as well as commit to working out three times a week and eating healthy.
I have been with the same man all of my 20’s. I have grown, I’ve changed and I learned how to love. I must admit there where ups and downs but I wasn’t happy at the current state of things. I felt like the hamster on the wheel going in the same circle over and over with no more growth. I understood his point of marriage after success but what we’re working towards to reach success. He would say that I’m just trying to rush and shack up but when I logically ask myself is five years really a rush. I know my grandma didn’t raise me to be a forever girlfriend. So I decided to walk away, jump off the hamster wheel and try something different. I wanted to be content with my decision to walk away from all I’ve known. I would never give a man an ultimatum if you haven’t seen the potential in me in all those years then I may just not be the one. We will remain friends and co parent but sometimes people have to grow apart.
Ultimately happiness comes from within. If I don’t find a better job it’s because I wasn’t looking hard enough, If I don’t lose the weight its because I wasn’t working for it, and if I don’t get married its because I refused to settle for just anything just to change my last name. All in all when it comes to happiness first you have to change the things that make you unhappy. One by one and I trust everything will fall into place.